Its been 11 days. Really good days. Really bad days. Mostly good though with insane bad moments mixed in.
I decided last weekend that I couldn't get dramatic about it ( I know, I know...those that know me know that is seriously impossible to do). I just mean I can't give it all my attention. My surgery is ONE MONTH from today. It will consume me if I pay too much attention to it. SO- I'm trying to just deal.
Today was my "team meeting", I call it, with my favorite doctor- my general physican, Dr. Ann Marty. She was my angel last summer and she listens. I asked for this appointment just to talk. Just to be dramatic. Ask a thousand questions. Be a little crazy. Go over the game plan. Ask her opinion. Gain some knowledge. I did and it was great.
We don't see a connection between my health struggles last summer and this. She does however agree with me that perhaps my body was giving me alittle kick and getting me ready for more to come.
She thought my incision looked nice and was healing well. She was happy I got into a new Derm at Christie. She told me to ask him if he could get me in earlier than the 22nd and if so, take it.
She went over my Pathology report and explained and re-explained. She told me that my margins to be concerned about were in the depth, not the width. SO- while that means the surgery will need to go deeper than I anticipated, thats OK and the bone will not be in the way. She felt the bone. No bumps. While she can't guarantee, if Squamous Cell Carcinoma had attached to the bone, you could literally FEEL it and she didn't.
I showed her pictures of what it looked like before my proceedure. She told me there was no way I had only had that for two months....two far along. Too big. too bubbly and weird looking. She assumes that it could have been there for atleast 6 months ( but still thinks we caught it in the early stages).
I told her that I was scared about the surgery as I knew how important it was to get as many cells and tissue as possible in that first surgery to help avoid reaccurance. I told her I wanted it all out NOW- not having to deal with this again in a year or two or five. We talked about what to do if the doc wants to go deep and not wide. Some plastic surgeons only take what they need and no extra in these situations. She told me I HAVE to be proactive with my health. I HAVE to tell my Derm and my surgeon that scars don't bother me and that I want him to take as much as he possibly can in any area that looks like it could contain cancer cells or be suspicious. She gave me the confidence to have those conversations and guided me on what to say.
She printed all my paperwork to hand carry to Christie. She asked me to call her and tell her how my appointment went. She hugged me.
I left with a smile. Must different then how I left 11 days ago. It felt good. I felt happy. I felt empowered. Confident. In control. Deep breath. Just Keep Swimming!