Friday, September 9, 2011

I've Been Lying to You All...

...its true. And for 17 years. It began March 16, 1994 at the DMV in Champaign while I waited to get my very first drivers liscense. I had on a super cute plaid, flannel shirt ( it was the 90's, guys!) and my hair was perfect. I was ready for my glamour shot!

The lady asks me my eye color-BLUE ( that was easy)

Then my height...ummm...hmmmm. Maybe in my awesome brown loafers that I love so much I could add alittle. I'll say 5'5". ( LIE)

Then my weight...SHIT! SHIT SHIT! What do I do? Do I tell the truth? Do I fib alittle? Do I fib alot? When you get pulled over and the cop looks at you and realizes you lied about your weight with just one glace, does he bust you out? Will I get in trouble? I'll tell the truth. I have to. I just won't show anyone my liscense. 140 pounds. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS!!! At the time I remember being embarassed by the number. And for the last 17 years, I've been dreaming I would again see that number again because I'm pretty sure I only weighed that number on that one day.

Oh, by the way...I've had many conversations with cops unfortunately over the past 17 years where I have handed over my liscense and not once have I been in trouble for obviously lying.

Everytime I had to get a new liscense, they asked me if I wanted to change any of my info on the card. And everytime I said no, leaving it all exactly as it was in 1994 ( do you think the DMV chicks were laughing at me?)

I've always struggled with my weight. My whole life. But I've managed it. I've always stayed happy, been in 3 very successful and loving relationships where my size or weight never mattered, and always remained pretty confident. Bathing suit season may have been a little mortifying at times but I was never one to let my personal insecurities get in the way of having fun. And I was never going to be that chick in a coverup or NOT even in a bathing suit on the side of the pool when everyone else was having a blast in it.

Today I weighed 140 pounds! ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS!!!! And I'm not embarrassed, I'm thrilled. I told myself earlier this summer that if I ever saw that number on the scale, I would blog about my weight loss journey and actually tell people what I weigh ( something I've never, ever done). So, here ya go....

In January 2009, Brian and I decided to really comitt to a weight loss plan. We were both sick of the way we looked and much more sick of the way we felt. At the time we started the diet, I weighed 190 pounds. That wasn't my most. I saw the scale top out at 203. At a wedding recently, i saw people I hadn't seen in years. When talking to a good friend and his wife ( in a drunken haze), i told them how much I weighed. 145 pounds at the time. I told the two of them that my max was 203. "No fucking way" he said "I dont believe it".

Umm, yeah- its true. I'm pretty good at carrying my weight. I have a pretty face. I have always had muscle tone and I've always let my confidence and my personality be what people saw first and fell in love with, not my fat ass.

I set the goal in 2009 to weigh 150. 40 pounds seemed lofty but it was doable and 150 pounds seemed like a good number. That still made me obsece on the doctor's charts for my height but its what I weighed when I graduated high school. Its what a weighed when I met Brian after a huge weight loss is 2001 when I was traveling as a consultant for my sorority. I wanted to be that number. And in 6 short months, I reached my goal. With the help of South Beach diet, running for the first time( read about it here) and the most amazing supportive husband who was doing it all with me- it was not that hard! Really.

I've been at 150 pounds since May 30, 2009. Fluctuated a few pounds up or down but been able to maintain it pretty easy as long as I make good food choices and run. And then Brian decided to be an over achiever this past year and set a ton of new goals for being losing 10 pounds between Thankgiving and Christmas ( and he did! I set a goal of trying to gain every pound he lost...and I did!!! :-)). So, with his support and also the support of the weight loss/accountablity e-mail group I'm a part of, I decided to set the goal of losing 10 more pounds. not because I really wanted to or needed to but I definately felt like I needed to do something to maintain my coolness with my husband. And having goals is good. Keeps you focused. So- I told Brian that my goal was 140 but my group I just told I was going to try and lose 10 pounds. I had never told anyone what I weighed. And in March I said I was going to do it by summer. didn't happen. I tried. I really did. Wait, thats a lie. I didn't really try. Maintaining has been pretty easy. I can eat like shit, drink beer all weekend, and as long as a ran ( and I've probably only missed 4 or 5 of my scheduled runs in the past year), I was fine so I didnt push myself at all. I didn't change my workouts, I didn't change my eating, I increased my alcohol consumsion ( as I do every summer) and sure enough- no weight came off.

I was kinda mad at myself for not reaching my goal but oh well- I was happy and healthy and fine with it. But it was getting to me. So- I started watching my food more carefully, I increased one of my runs each week, I started doing abs and arms again on my off days after taking a break. I also have had some added stressers in my life that may have played a role too.

And today, I saw it! 140! I don't anticipate this being the weight I can maintain for long. Actually, I'm pretty sure when I weigh in tomorrow it will be above it and I'm OK. I have to be. Its me and I'm pretty happy with it all. I wish 140 pounds on me looked like it did in high school or even post college but I've come to terms that my ass is twice the size as it was before kids , my tummy is mushy, and no matter how many miles I run, I'm always going to have cottage cheese on the back of my thighs.

'm proud to tell you all my weight today. I'm proud to tell you I'm no longer going to be nervous that someone is going to laugh out loud when they see my liscense. I'm still a lyer when it comes to my 5'5" height but I have a feeling you all will forgive me on that one too!

1 comment:

The Buehnerkemper Family said...

YEAH Katie!!! I'm so proud of you!!! You look amazing!