With everything going on with my health, the idea of a carefree week was behind us and after last Friday night was spent with me sobbing uncontrollably in bed wondering what my life with physical pain would be like, we decided the focus of the week would be doctor's appointments, regrouping, and just trying to gain some normalcy for my condition and our family before I brought my babies back into the mix. I scheduled as many doctors appointments as I could and really only had to work around my tutoring schedule.
Nothing- absolutely NOTHING got done around the house- I didn't even make the bed a few days ( which is unheard of)- AND I DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY!
Two great things happened this week...I started feeling better AND I still had a pretty great week with my husband. Read the next post about my health. This one's about the most amazing guy in the world.
Brian has been my angel. Taking me to the emergency room, holding me hand for every visit, administering medicines, holding me while I cry, taking the kids away from the house so I could sleep, doing reaseach on my condition, and trying to be jovial and upbeat- no matter what.
We were both so looking forward to this week alone- to reconnect as a couple- be romantic, be silly, be US again! So, when he asked quietly as we passed Peoria last Sunday if I might be interested in stopping at the Kickapoo Winery for a quick tasting since we had never been and never could go with kids- I knew immediately that he was trying to put some positives into our week and have it be more than just medical talk and doctors appointments.
Panic set in...what if my mouth hurts too bad and I can't. What if I start to feel sick? What if I'm uncomfortable? But then, I saw the love of my life- I saw his energy and his huge heart that had looked at me over and over during the last few difficult days and I realized I could crawl under a rock and disconnect for a week and feel bad about myself and my health or I could try to live. Try to live with the pain- try to live in the moment- and try to live with the man of my dreams.
Then and there I decided that I wasn't going to let this health scare define me but rather how I handled it and I wanted control!
We stopped. Found out tastings are THREE FOR A DOLLAR! Bought some cheese and sat for an hour eating cheese and tasting 12 wines. We giggled. I cried about our love ( of course). We talked about our week and how we could add some fun to it. We talked about things other than Lichen Planus and it was heaven! I even felt good enough to ask someone to capture the moment.
We could have gone straight home but we ended up turning it into a progressive dinner down I-74! We stopped at one of our favorite restaurants in Normal, Destiel for amazing appetizers and great beer.
With each doctor's appointment I began to feel better and with each day, we comitted to being together. We went to dinner, we saw a movie, we played putt putt golf, we rented a movie, we slept in together, we attended doctor's appointments together, we had lunch on campus. We talked uninterrupted, we laughed, I cried. We called our babies together. We even ran together.
One goal I had had weeks ago was to get the chance to run with Brian in the mornings on our kid-free week. Physically and emotionally, I wasn't up for running much but then I decided I needed to try. I needed to see what my body would do on Prednisone. I needed to feel how I had changed. And I needed to do it with Brian incase I needed him. I did.
We ran Tuesday morning. Only two miles. The least distance I had ran in 8 months probably. I run 11 minute miles and Brian runs 8 minute miles so asking him to keep my pace was a big deal. We slept into until 5AM ( yup, that's a half hour later than usual) and we hit the road. Thank God he was with me. It was harder than I thought. I sweat more, my breathing was labored and I couldn't find my groove. I was nervous too. Like, weird nervous. And I started getting menstral like cramps which not only was very painful but got my mind racing about what other issues I would soon have. But I pushed. Brian encouraged and kept asking me how I was. He kept telling me how great our times were and to keep going. When cars passed, he moved me to the inside of the street so he was closest to the outside. When we passed the same sweet lady we both do individually each morning, we waved ( she probably wondered what was different to allow us the opportunity to run together- or first realizing that the only other nut jobs like her who are out at 5AM are actually together). When we finished, I almost cried. I felt like I had ran 6 miles instead of two and literally had to lay down on the ground to recover but I did something I didn't know I would be able to do- and I did it pretty well. And Brian was with me every step of the way- just like always.
We ran again yesterday morning too. 3 miles this time. Hard but not as hard as Tuesday. Not sure how long it will be until I feel like I have my running conditioning back and I may never know if it was the drugs or my emotions or what that made it challenging but God amI blessed to have Brian and honored to share things like 5Am runs with him.
It was fun- it was challenging- it was enlightning-it was defining-it was me and him, my best friend- doing it together and doing it alright. The run...the week...our life!
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