What isn't going on? SO much is going on all the time. It makes my head spin just thinking about it all. My blog posts have been sporadic, my house has been falling apart, and my mind has been clouded. It's the result of being over-programmed!
As a teacher, I saw dozens and dozens of over-programmed kids. Those who didn't leave aftercare until 5PM, had 3 practices or events to go to before even walking in their own door at night at 8PM. Then it was homework, baths, and bed. No familytime, no dinners around the table or conversation or game night or even lounging on the couch to hang out. I promised I would not allow that to happen to my kids. I swore up and down, and Brian agreed, that we would create balance in our children's lives. We'd make time for downtime, not allow them to be overly involved, and be sure, above all else, that all their needs; physically, spiritually, and emotionally were being met.
But I suppose I never promised those same things for my own life. Yup, I'm an overprogrammed mom and I did it all to myself. I'm to blame. Currently I don't believe it's affecting my children negatively. The things I do with them are fun, exciting, and most often a choice for them. But I do see, that if I can't prioritize my own life, it could affect them as they get older.
The problem is that I LOVE everything I do. I work one day a week because I want to get out of my house and away from my kids. I want to teach and hold on to alittle of the profession I have felt drawn to since I was in 1st grade. I am a committee chair of my son's preschool auction because I want to help, I want to fundraise, and actually I think its fun. I am on the Christian Ed committee at church because it's been my church for over 30 years and now is my chance to give back and make a difference and be part of programs that will help nurture my children's spiritual journey and gives my family a true sense of community. I babysit atleast one day a week because I love the little boy I care for and I want to contribute to family financially. I consign my kids clothes twice a year so I can have some lump sum money to play with and save for ( this year it's Brian's BF's wedding in Philly in November that he is a groomsman for). I put my kids in swimming in gymnastics and attend with them because Alaric needs to learn to be more physically strong and able and Amara needs to learn how to calm herself down and do things the right way. I blog because it's the only running record I have of my kids lives and I love the opportunity for reflection it gives me. I am on the leadership team for The MOms Group because this group SAVED me when my baby was colicky and my husband was working 70 hours a week and I want to help continue the group because I still need it. I coordinate meals for my church for new families or families who are struggling because I know how amazing it feels not to have to worry about cooking a meal when your life is overwhelming and I don't mind taking a few minutes every once in awhile to better the life of someone else, even just for a few days. I run or workout every morning because if I don't, I'll gain the 30 pounds back I have kept off for over a year now. I am a friend and e-mail and call my girlfriends because I need them and I'd be lost without them. I do the housework, the shopping, and the cleaning because that's my job ( I don't do that because I like it). I pray to get strength to get through it all.
So, what gives? I don't know. Maybe I just need to manage what I have differently. Last year around this time I released my beloved Fraternity, ZTA, from my comittment schedule. It was something I had spent atleast 20 hours a week doing for the past 10 years and when it was gone, I mourned it like a death in my life. Now, a full year later- I can't imagine adding that to my life again. I miss it and I know it will find it's way back into my life in smaller doses but I don't mourne it anymore- I don't have time to. I wonder what else from my list I could release and move on from. Hmmmm, that one needs some pondering.
What I do know is that my first priority is to my husband and kids. Brian and I have stuck to our once a week "US" time. Scheduling it on the calendar with a heart and letting nothing else get in the way. Wednesday, we got a babysitter to come over at 7:45PM after the kids were asleep just so we could walk to the Pub, have two beers and talk uninterrupted and be home by 9! It was a perfect date. My crazy schedule is mine and for now, it's my choice and I love it but as soon as I think it's affecting my kids or my relationship, I'll change something, I'll release, I'll move on.
For now, I have some balancing to do. School will be out in just over a month and although we won;t have to be at school 3 days a week, we have a full social calendar. There are playdates, picnics, and the pool. And if you know my amazing neighborhood that is really just a big family- there will be endless evenings of drinking beer in our yards, races down the street, grills cooking food for an imprompu potluck, and kids and adults squeeling in delight. Not to mention I will be working 2 mornings a week as a tutor to try and help our savings account during our uncertain time.
It's my paradise, really! My unbalanced, crazy life that I love desperately with every ounce of my being. It's mine and I love it and for now, even if I do have some work to do on it. It's my "normal" world that most days works for us. When it's over and I begin to ask "What the hell?" again, I'll make some changes, create a new "normal" and move on.
The fun begin....
3 comments:
We all have those "what the hell days" and you have been my savior during my "What the @#$*&%* Hell" days of late! I hope you let me return the favor(s)!
Oh geez, I don't know how people with kids go it. I think a dog is bad enough. Ugh...to much to think about. Love you Katie.
Hang in there lady. Some good advice that I have received is just to say no! With homeschooling and all the kids and the house/farm stuff - I have learned that impromtu stuff is the best to stick with. I make meals for friends when it comes up, crochet stuff to sell when I get time, blog when I have a second. It is the stuff that is scheduled and not very flexible that seems to stress me. Mike and I have purposely chosen not to be involved in a lot. With all the kids, we have a good excuse, but is just as important with 2 little ones! Those boring times at home reading books, playing for hours on end, PJ days and relaxing in the morning is really worth while. For me, when I am overscheduled, I tend to start multi-tasking and that is not something I want to do a lot of. I think it takes away from the here and now. It makes it hard to be "really present" in the moment and as fast as these kids are growing up it is very important to be "present".
It is easy to fall into the trap of "great opportunities", especially when those "over-scheduled kids and adults" are becoming the norm and the fact my kids seem to be the minority because they aren't in every class/program/club. While some opportunities once in a while are great (for kids and adults) they aren't a good idea in overwhelming quanitities. I read a devontional once on "over-scheduled lives". It was an eye opener. It stated that Jesus wasn't involved in little league, but yet he still learned great leadership skills, he wasn't in group playgroups, yet he was compassionately involved with others. The only quality that is apparent in almost EVERY bible story is that he was "fully present" at each situation and that he always had time for impromptu fellowship with strangers and friends alike. He always had time for people because he wasn't over scheduled to begin with. It is hard to schecdule "quality time", it is something that ends up just happening if you are avaiable for it. Something to keep in mind. I find everything in moderation is the best thing. Hang in there and I am sure you will find your balance of too much/not enough that is right for you and your family! (((HUGS)))
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